There is so much discussion about getting back to gigs after all the shutdowns, and all the feelings, emotions, joys and stresses that are coming along with musicians getting back to work.
The last year and half has been weird, and while my teaching and gig life is springing back to normal and I am extremely grateful, I think it’s wrong to pretend that things haven’t changed at all.
We were given an enormous and unusual (and of course stressful and scary) opportunity to really consider what we do, how we do it, and why we do it.
From my own perspective as a musician who usually wears many hats, I needed that time off whether I wanted it or not. I was burnt out, and desperately needed to address my approach to work. If my hand hadn’t been forced, I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to consider how work was truly affecting my mental health and my overall attitude and approach to life.
Pre-pandemic I was exhausted, running myself rampant because that’s what a good musician is supposed to do (or, that’s what we’re taught a good musician with a good career does). I was musically in shape and mentally out of shape, and had a lot of stress about the meaning of every note I played on stage. (As you can imagine, if something didn’t go quite the way I wanted in a performance, it felt a little catastrophic.)
I was pushing hard for my career without allowing myself the space to focus on where I was going or why I wanted to be there.
Over the time when it wasn’t possible to gig, I spent less time with my instrument and more time with my mind. I started learning how to care for my mental wellbeing, brought my attention back to my physical health, and also refocused on my performance mindset.
Something else that there was space to consider was how I prepared for things - what was my method of preparation? What were my mental habits leading up to a performance?
For me, the answers to some of these questions were tough to accept - it is difficult to see the ways that we are selling ourselves short. But in considering the way I viewed my own ability and value, I allowed myself the space to ask and answer many difficult questions.
The silver lining of accepting that we have put limits on ourselves, created difficulty through unawareness, or that we have been flying blind at warp speed is that by seeing these obstacles and habits they are easier to remove and change.
Now, as we go back to work, we have an incredible opportunity to bring a consciousness of being back to work with us.
We have an opportunity to adjust our habits, to treat ourselves better, and to consciously create our own landscapes.
As an example, consider how many things you said yes to doing before the shut down that you only did because you felt you had to. That’s a post for another day, but generally speaking we are taught to do everything because you never know when you might miss something. At the root of it, I believe this actually leads to a scarcity mindset and causes us to overload ourselves. (This ties into the concept of Essentialism).
To provide entertainment, inspiration and instruction, all of which are healing for most people, is a gift in a career. Perspective on how this fits into the thread of very real and sometimes scary everyday events can only stand to make us more adept at providing what the world, our audiences and our students need.
At this moment, we have a clean slate on which to be intentional about what we do - focusing on only the best places to put our efforts and leaving behind the things that are only good or ok.
Like any change, it will require a concentrated effort of often small and seemingly insignificant daily habits that add up over a long period of time.
As musicians, we tend to catastrophize small events that are imperceptible to others (an out of tune note, getting passed over in an audition) or how we measure up to other people, but this moment has a lot to teach us.
We can and should use our post pandemic perspective to make changes, even small ones, that will help us to be our best selves.
Reflect on your habits - what will you change given all the perspective you have gained?
Hi, I'm Morgann! A flutist, teacher, meditator, aspiring yogini, and life long learner figuring out how to create my way through life one crazy idea at a time.